Hello, it's been a bit. But I just really haven't felt much like writing. I dunno. I have been having a hard time with things lately, especially like, bad thoughts I guess. But I talked to a good friend yesterday, and she has sort of the same anxiety issues that I do. So for one, I was glad to know I am not alone, and that I'm not going insane. We kept bringing up things we worried about or thought about a lot, and then the other would say "Me too!" and it was just nice to hear that I am not alone in this.
It has been really bad though. Like, I'm 21, and I feel like I'm a super hormonal, whiny teenager again. I went through this when I was 12-15 too, but I think that just comes with the age. Anxiety freaking sucks. If you don't have it, feel so blessed. It's awful. I literally cannot live a normal life. I want a job. I want to go places and not feel panicked and feel like everyone's staring at me. I want to be able to make phone calls. I want to order my own food. I don't do that often. In fact, last night I skipped dinner with my friends because they went to Subway and I couldn't bring myself to even go order a drink. I do ok just being in public, as long as I don't feel like people are looking at me a lot, or if I'm in a group of people I'm fine.
It sucks, and my family doesn't understand at all. My dad and brother just tell me I'm being lazy and don't want to find a job, and that I need to grow up. But they don't realize that I WANT A JOB. I want money, I hate not having money to pay my bills. I'm using my tax refund to make sure I keep up on rent and insurance and have been in a slight panic for MONTHS about what's going to happen when I run out of money.
I just wish I could be a normal, outgoing person, who can make friends with anyone and not be terrified at the thought of having to deal with customers or whatever. I can't even go into a place and ask for an application. And I stress over the thought of an interview, which I know most people do, but, like, I lose sleep over things like that. I can't look people in the eye while talking unless I know them well. People think I'm a bitch when they meet me because I hardly talk and am quiet. My friends now have told me, that that is what they thought when they first met me. And of course, eventually I got used to them and I was talking and joking and stuff, but I hate knowing that people think I'm mean. I try so hard to be nice and polite. And I always think I'm doing a good job of it, but I guess I'm not.
Anyway, I realized last night while talking to my friend, that I am not alone in feeling like this. And she's there if I want to talk. I really hate talking about feelings. In fact, this blog is the only place I have ever spilled my guts about things and I'm holding a lot back. But she's there if I need. And then today I was like, I don't wanna just be done with life, because my mom loves me. And she tries to understand and make me feel better, even tho she really doesn't know what's going on cause I don't tell her. But she tries. And I know my dad and siblings care about me, otherwise I wouldn't have a roof over my head and my siblings would just not talk to me. And I have my super amazing friend who bought me a Fall Out Boy ticket because she knows I love them, and she knows how I feel. And I have 2 other really great fantastic friends who come to get me from my house and get me out for a bit. I don't really tell them about things because they have loads of other stuff going and I don't wanna bother them, but I know they would be there if I needed.
So I realized all of that, and how lucky I really am, and I really am trying to not let the crappy 'fuck my life' thoughts in because it's not a fuck my life thing. I have some sort of mental thing and it's making me feel crap, but other than that my life is pretty good. And I am lucky. And so grateful for my people.
So yeah that's just my little story of the month. I really just wanted to get this out of me, and I don't want to just stick it in a document where I will delete it. I want it to be somewhere where I can come and see it a lot and remember. So, I know I don't get many readers, but if you do read my things, thank you :) I would just like to ask, if you have had anxiety problems, especially social ones, cos that's where mine's just getting worse and worse, what have you done to help it? Besides medicine anyway, cos I can't afford a doctor hahaha. Nor do I wanna go to one :))
Ok well, that's all. I'm being distracted by Doctor Who right now. I'm gonna miss the new episode later today because I am going to the Color Fest, but I'm sure it will be on later :) Bye for now :)
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Quick little YouTube excitement.
So I was looking through my videos on YouTube today, which I have 11, and like 3 or 4 are monetized. (I just clicked it before I knew what it really was hahah.) But I was looking at things, and it said I had actually earned money from people watching. 2 cents. Which, I definitely know isn't a lot at all, but still. I earned something off of content that I came up with, filmed, edited, and posted. Like, that 2 cents means so much to me and I don't even know why. I don't get many viewers at all, and I didn't expect to. I just vlog about my life, so I can remember things myself, and so that I could try to work on being so shy. I figured that if I could put myself on the internet, on a site that MILLIONS of people go to, then I should be able to not be so damn shy in front of one stranger. (That hasn't gone well at all, I am still quite shy.)
But anyway, yeah. That's my days excitement. My life has been basically the same since my last post, which kinda sucks cos that means I still feel kinda sad and lonely and whatever else junk I am feeling.
BUT!!! My cousin, who is the mother of my goddaughter, told me yesterday that her husband wants to come down this weekend and look for a place DOWN HERE!!! I could, possibly, be seeing my goddaughter EVERY DAY rather than just at Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and her birthday in September. She is an entirely different baby every time I see her, so it will be nice to see her more if they do move down. I really hope they do.
I'm not even joking, she's so huge now. And I only saw her twice while she was still kinda small. They got her when she was a month old, and I met her a few weeks after that at Thanksgiving. Ahhh I just really hope that works out. I'm trying not to hope too much, cos I'm superstitious about things like that, but I can't help it. :)
This turned out loads longer than I wanted it too ahhaha. Anyway, till next time, have a good one!! <333
PS if anyone who reads this is going to Playlist Live this weekend, just know I AM SO JEALOUS. :) If you meet Phil, tell him I think he's awesome and that he should come meet me and we can get married and whatever :))
But anyway, yeah. That's my days excitement. My life has been basically the same since my last post, which kinda sucks cos that means I still feel kinda sad and lonely and whatever else junk I am feeling.
BUT!!! My cousin, who is the mother of my goddaughter, told me yesterday that her husband wants to come down this weekend and look for a place DOWN HERE!!! I could, possibly, be seeing my goddaughter EVERY DAY rather than just at Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and her birthday in September. She is an entirely different baby every time I see her, so it will be nice to see her more if they do move down. I really hope they do.
I'm not even joking, she's so huge now. And I only saw her twice while she was still kinda small. They got her when she was a month old, and I met her a few weeks after that at Thanksgiving. Ahhh I just really hope that works out. I'm trying not to hope too much, cos I'm superstitious about things like that, but I can't help it. :)
This turned out loads longer than I wanted it too ahhaha. Anyway, till next time, have a good one!! <333
PS if anyone who reads this is going to Playlist Live this weekend, just know I AM SO JEALOUS. :) If you meet Phil, tell him I think he's awesome and that he should come meet me and we can get married and whatever :))
Monday, March 4, 2013
little update on things, mostly a rant.
So I got a new job at a gas station, which is what I thought I would love. Maybe I'm just really overwhelmed with all I had to learn yesterday, and all the people I had to deal with, but I REALLY hated it. It got to 10 last night and all I wanted to do was go home, and it was all I could do not to cry. Two of the ladies I work with were really nice and helpful, but the lady who trained me was sort of snippy and didnt show me as much as tell me what to do and have me do it. I just was a mess yesterday and couldn't remember anything. I already wanna quit, and I know people think I'm just lazy, but I put up with pure shit at my last job for 4 1/2 years, i know I'm not just being a whiner. It was awful.
I think a lot of it might be my anxiety. All that job is, is cleaning, and then helping people, talking to people. I don't mind the cleaning, so I did a lot of it last night. But the dealing with people bit was horrifying. Everyone that came in is used to chatty, bubbly people helping them, and there I was, shaking and quiet and awkward. Even some lady said "You're really quiet." in sort of a rude voice, even tho I was being really nice, and said hello and thank you to her. And the lady who was training me said I was too quiet, and it worries me. I know I'm not ever gonna be the outgoing type, (even tho I am a Gemini and my trait thing always says outgoing), but I wish I could just not be so nervous.
I know, I know, everyone has been saying "It was your first day! It will get better!" But I really don't know. I'm already overwhelmed and I can't remember anything I learned, and the thought of going back there is making me so nervous that I'm about to throw up. It's awful.
Anyway, I was talking to my dad about it all, and about how I wanna maybe start looking into online school, and I was just joking around with my sister, who is currently in school. She was doing an assignment and I was like "I'm never going to school. Too hard." And everyone laughed for a minute but then my step-mom said "Life is hard." I dunno about you, but I HATE hearing that. Why would you tell people that. They might already be struggling with things, and you're saying life is hard? Yes, I definitely want to live now, knowing that it's just gonna be hard and shitty forever. That's just what I need to hear.
I like it better when people say that things get better, and it's all worth it. But lately all I hear is how hard life is, and that you just work your life away and then die. That's not fun to me. What about that is worth it. I dunno, I think I have just been having a rough time with things lately. I am really dreading work hahaha. My dad would kill me if I quit tho, even tho it's only two days a week.
On my next day off, I'm gonna go look for jobs. I might just get back into pizza. I know how to do that, and it won't be as overwhelming. I dunno.
I can't really think of any other update-ey things. I am now addicted to Cafe Rio, thanks to my friends mom. No joke all I want is a chicken salad from there hahaha. I've been working on my writing a lot more lately, and one of my ideas is going well. I'm going to start scripting out another idea soon, that one of my friends wanted to make a movie out of but we just never got around to doing our parts haha. But I recently got back into contact with him so we'll see. :)
So yeah that's just my update and rant. :) have a good day. :) Talk to ya soon hopefully. :)
I think a lot of it might be my anxiety. All that job is, is cleaning, and then helping people, talking to people. I don't mind the cleaning, so I did a lot of it last night. But the dealing with people bit was horrifying. Everyone that came in is used to chatty, bubbly people helping them, and there I was, shaking and quiet and awkward. Even some lady said "You're really quiet." in sort of a rude voice, even tho I was being really nice, and said hello and thank you to her. And the lady who was training me said I was too quiet, and it worries me. I know I'm not ever gonna be the outgoing type, (even tho I am a Gemini and my trait thing always says outgoing), but I wish I could just not be so nervous.
I know, I know, everyone has been saying "It was your first day! It will get better!" But I really don't know. I'm already overwhelmed and I can't remember anything I learned, and the thought of going back there is making me so nervous that I'm about to throw up. It's awful.
Anyway, I was talking to my dad about it all, and about how I wanna maybe start looking into online school, and I was just joking around with my sister, who is currently in school. She was doing an assignment and I was like "I'm never going to school. Too hard." And everyone laughed for a minute but then my step-mom said "Life is hard." I dunno about you, but I HATE hearing that. Why would you tell people that. They might already be struggling with things, and you're saying life is hard? Yes, I definitely want to live now, knowing that it's just gonna be hard and shitty forever. That's just what I need to hear.
I like it better when people say that things get better, and it's all worth it. But lately all I hear is how hard life is, and that you just work your life away and then die. That's not fun to me. What about that is worth it. I dunno, I think I have just been having a rough time with things lately. I am really dreading work hahaha. My dad would kill me if I quit tho, even tho it's only two days a week.
On my next day off, I'm gonna go look for jobs. I might just get back into pizza. I know how to do that, and it won't be as overwhelming. I dunno.
I can't really think of any other update-ey things. I am now addicted to Cafe Rio, thanks to my friends mom. No joke all I want is a chicken salad from there hahaha. I've been working on my writing a lot more lately, and one of my ideas is going well. I'm going to start scripting out another idea soon, that one of my friends wanted to make a movie out of but we just never got around to doing our parts haha. But I recently got back into contact with him so we'll see. :)
So yeah that's just my update and rant. :) have a good day. :) Talk to ya soon hopefully. :)
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Samples and Tickets
Sooooooooooooooooooo my darling friend bought me a ticket to Fall Out Boy!!!! :D Even tho I didn't ask her to, and I said I couldn't pay for it and she knew I couldn't. Such a sweet girl. :)) (More than sweet but I feel like she would be uncomfortable if she saw how mushy I got about her :]) She's always been such an amazing friend, and we worked together at my old job, and we both quit because of the same shit boss, tho it was months apart. She used her babysitting money. I just can't thank her enough.
I will pay her back, even tho she said not to. I will tho. We do that, pay for the other persons food or whatever and then don't allow a payback (even tho i normally hide the money in her car or something :]). But never something this huge so of course I feel even more guilty than normal but I will pay her back, when I find a job :))) I am very happy she got them and surprised me tho, and I nearly cried hahaha. :))) I want June to hurry :)
Except I'll be 22 in June :( ugh I don't FEEL 22. I don't even feel 20. I still sometimes think im 18 or 19 for a minute before I realize how old I actually am. Most people my age in this town are married with kids. And I still live with my dad hahaha :)))
Anyway, I found this free sample page thing that my mom had posted about on facebook, so I just filled in crap so I could get free samples of stuff. I don't know if they'll actually send anything, but it was worth a shot. I mostly just sent for perfume samples hahaha. I am addicted to smell goods :) I wish I could get free mascara, but I dunno how they would make a sample out of that. :/ If someone reading this has used a site like this before, do they actually work? Cos I'm not gonna lie, I wouldn't mind some free stuff right now. :))
So there's this guy named Tom Milsom, and he's a musician (no joke he's amazing and can play anything) from England. And he sometimes does covers of songs (He also writes his own and Cherub and All Of Me are my favorites. *All Of Me is probably only on tumblr right now but I recommend it GREATLY*) that I haven't heard of before and I end up LOVING the song. The original one, cos while his covers are amazing, 95% of the time, the original is better. (One case where this isn't true, is The Vamps cover of As Long As You Love Me by Bieber. They are a million times better.) Anyway. He did a cover of Angels by The xx, who I hadn't even heard of prior to this, and I was in love with the song immediately and had to get it from itunes. It happened again today with a Radiohead song (It's one of the songs by them I had just listened to once and not really payed attention, and missed out on it's amazing-ness) and I had to choose between it, True Love Waits which is also by Radiohead, or Fall Out Boy's new song, and this one won out. (I'm asking my sister to please get the other two and I will give her cash ahhaha)
So today's song of the day is Nude by Radiohead. I can't stop listening to it!! Also another song I've been addicted to is Starlight by Muse. I have seriously listened to that around 500 times over the past 4 days. I don't even want to count but it's been over 100 times a days so I figure it has to be around that. I dunno why I love it so much. I just do. I used to not even like it that much so who knows what changed.
And today's recommended YouTuber is fancyclaps123. He's just getting started and he's hilarious, tho I think he's for more of an adult (or older teenager. I could handle penis jokes at a young age :]) or more mature-ish audience just due to the fact that he tells stories about his life experiences and some are just not things you normally share :)) So check out him, and those songs if you wanna :))) (I like recommending things, even tho I know most people don't just take recommendations unless they ask for it)
I've started writing again, well, reading over a really long...story thing that I wrote a while back, and trying to find out where and how to pick up again. I've actually started reading over the 2nd one cos the 1st story I tried to get back into, I can't remember the smaller bits and ideas I had for it, and I don't want to mess up the plot. The 2nd one is longer anyway, and I had put way more into it, and I feel like it'll be easier to get back into :))
Ok well this has been a really long one, but I am in a chatty mood. So, till next time! Have a good one! <33
I will pay her back, even tho she said not to. I will tho. We do that, pay for the other persons food or whatever and then don't allow a payback (even tho i normally hide the money in her car or something :]). But never something this huge so of course I feel even more guilty than normal but I will pay her back, when I find a job :))) I am very happy she got them and surprised me tho, and I nearly cried hahaha. :))) I want June to hurry :)
Except I'll be 22 in June :( ugh I don't FEEL 22. I don't even feel 20. I still sometimes think im 18 or 19 for a minute before I realize how old I actually am. Most people my age in this town are married with kids. And I still live with my dad hahaha :)))
Anyway, I found this free sample page thing that my mom had posted about on facebook, so I just filled in crap so I could get free samples of stuff. I don't know if they'll actually send anything, but it was worth a shot. I mostly just sent for perfume samples hahaha. I am addicted to smell goods :) I wish I could get free mascara, but I dunno how they would make a sample out of that. :/ If someone reading this has used a site like this before, do they actually work? Cos I'm not gonna lie, I wouldn't mind some free stuff right now. :))
So there's this guy named Tom Milsom, and he's a musician (no joke he's amazing and can play anything) from England. And he sometimes does covers of songs (He also writes his own and Cherub and All Of Me are my favorites. *All Of Me is probably only on tumblr right now but I recommend it GREATLY*) that I haven't heard of before and I end up LOVING the song. The original one, cos while his covers are amazing, 95% of the time, the original is better. (One case where this isn't true, is The Vamps cover of As Long As You Love Me by Bieber. They are a million times better.) Anyway. He did a cover of Angels by The xx, who I hadn't even heard of prior to this, and I was in love with the song immediately and had to get it from itunes. It happened again today with a Radiohead song (It's one of the songs by them I had just listened to once and not really payed attention, and missed out on it's amazing-ness) and I had to choose between it, True Love Waits which is also by Radiohead, or Fall Out Boy's new song, and this one won out. (I'm asking my sister to please get the other two and I will give her cash ahhaha)
So today's song of the day is Nude by Radiohead. I can't stop listening to it!! Also another song I've been addicted to is Starlight by Muse. I have seriously listened to that around 500 times over the past 4 days. I don't even want to count but it's been over 100 times a days so I figure it has to be around that. I dunno why I love it so much. I just do. I used to not even like it that much so who knows what changed.
And today's recommended YouTuber is fancyclaps123. He's just getting started and he's hilarious, tho I think he's for more of an adult (or older teenager. I could handle penis jokes at a young age :]) or more mature-ish audience just due to the fact that he tells stories about his life experiences and some are just not things you normally share :)) So check out him, and those songs if you wanna :))) (I like recommending things, even tho I know most people don't just take recommendations unless they ask for it)
I've started writing again, well, reading over a really long...story thing that I wrote a while back, and trying to find out where and how to pick up again. I've actually started reading over the 2nd one cos the 1st story I tried to get back into, I can't remember the smaller bits and ideas I had for it, and I don't want to mess up the plot. The 2nd one is longer anyway, and I had put way more into it, and I feel like it'll be easier to get back into :))
Ok well this has been a really long one, but I am in a chatty mood. So, till next time! Have a good one! <33
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
FALL OUT BOY IS BACK!! and this is all about it :)
If you haven't heard already, one of my most favorite bands, Fall Out Boy, is off hiatus FINALLY. It's seriously been years.
I first got into them when I was 13 years old, and From Under The Cork Tree had just come out (which is when most people got into them, I know.) I remember falling madly in love with Patrick Stump, (Why did he get married and break my heart?!) while the rest of my friends swooned over Pete, and we all sat and talked about how good they were and how amazing Patrick's voice is.
They went on hiatus when I was 18, and of course I was super sad, as they had become my top favorite band a little less than a year earlier.(Taking over Good Charlotte's place, where they had been since I was 11.) I never got to go to one of their concerts, cos when they came to town when I was 13, my parents wouldn't let me go, nor did I have a job to buy tickets.
So, I was 18, and had a job, and then they went on hiatus and I was devastated. And then came the waiting time in which I eagerly clung onto the hope that they would be back, stalking their twitters and various music blogs to see if there were any rumors of an end. And there were rumors, but they didn't lead to anything and I was just like... :(. I started listening to The Strokes in January 2010 and just tried to accept that Fall Out Boy might never come out with a new album. (Which I failed at, cos even tho they said it might never happen, I knew they would all get together for music again eventually.)
Then all those rumors started last year, and I was excited. It was different from 2010 or 2011 rumors. Actual band guys were saying Fall Out Boy was gonna be back soon. Then the whole festival rumor happened and I was getting anxious and people on tumblr were tagging me in posts about how disappointed people were gonna be when nothing happened. (you can untag me now, cos I was right. ha ha ha, ha ha. HA.) But I held onto hope, and freaked out on twitter the night before they announced they were back, because some music page had said they were back for sure. Yes, I waited till the actual band announced it before I believed it, but still, the fact that so many people were saying "Yes, they're gonna tour soon, they've been writing songs" was exciting and fantastic.
Then on the 4th of February, I woke up early (like 6:30 am early) for no good reason and couldn't get back to sleep, so I got on twitter. And 20 minutes later, Pete, Patrick, Joe, and Andy all tweeted that they were back, and here's a new song, and our albums coming in May, and here's a music video, and here's some tour dates for ya. I cried. I yelled and cried and my sister, who was just waking up for school, flipped me off and shut her door. She's not at all a morning person and she's terrible to deal with or try to talk to. I called my other sister and woke her up to tell her. I texted my mom. I went on all my social media sites (minus this one, I wasn't gonna make a post about this but it's too important.) and went nuts posting lyrics and reblogging or sharing the new song and video. It was the best day I've had in a long time.
Not to mention, my other favorite band, The Strokes, released a new song a few days before, and they have an album coming out soon too and they might tour, which means I need a job pronto. I am asking for Fall Out Boy tickets for my birthday tho, cos they're coming on June 22nd, and my birthday is the 18th. It's been a good music time for me.
Anyway, that's my Fall Out Boy hiatus end story. It's long and pointless but if you like Fall Out Boy and emotions then maybe you would like to read this. Mainly it's just for me to remember how I felt that day and what I did. My mom ended up calling me a few hours later and asking what I meant in my text, cos she forgot that Fall Out Boy is a band. :) ANYWAYYYY have a good one! <33
I first got into them when I was 13 years old, and From Under The Cork Tree had just come out (which is when most people got into them, I know.) I remember falling madly in love with Patrick Stump, (Why did he get married and break my heart?!) while the rest of my friends swooned over Pete, and we all sat and talked about how good they were and how amazing Patrick's voice is.
They went on hiatus when I was 18, and of course I was super sad, as they had become my top favorite band a little less than a year earlier.(Taking over Good Charlotte's place, where they had been since I was 11.) I never got to go to one of their concerts, cos when they came to town when I was 13, my parents wouldn't let me go, nor did I have a job to buy tickets.
So, I was 18, and had a job, and then they went on hiatus and I was devastated. And then came the waiting time in which I eagerly clung onto the hope that they would be back, stalking their twitters and various music blogs to see if there were any rumors of an end. And there were rumors, but they didn't lead to anything and I was just like... :(. I started listening to The Strokes in January 2010 and just tried to accept that Fall Out Boy might never come out with a new album. (Which I failed at, cos even tho they said it might never happen, I knew they would all get together for music again eventually.)
Then all those rumors started last year, and I was excited. It was different from 2010 or 2011 rumors. Actual band guys were saying Fall Out Boy was gonna be back soon. Then the whole festival rumor happened and I was getting anxious and people on tumblr were tagging me in posts about how disappointed people were gonna be when nothing happened. (you can untag me now, cos I was right. ha ha ha, ha ha. HA.) But I held onto hope, and freaked out on twitter the night before they announced they were back, because some music page had said they were back for sure. Yes, I waited till the actual band announced it before I believed it, but still, the fact that so many people were saying "Yes, they're gonna tour soon, they've been writing songs" was exciting and fantastic.
Then on the 4th of February, I woke up early (like 6:30 am early) for no good reason and couldn't get back to sleep, so I got on twitter. And 20 minutes later, Pete, Patrick, Joe, and Andy all tweeted that they were back, and here's a new song, and our albums coming in May, and here's a music video, and here's some tour dates for ya. I cried. I yelled and cried and my sister, who was just waking up for school, flipped me off and shut her door. She's not at all a morning person and she's terrible to deal with or try to talk to. I called my other sister and woke her up to tell her. I texted my mom. I went on all my social media sites (minus this one, I wasn't gonna make a post about this but it's too important.) and went nuts posting lyrics and reblogging or sharing the new song and video. It was the best day I've had in a long time.
Not to mention, my other favorite band, The Strokes, released a new song a few days before, and they have an album coming out soon too and they might tour, which means I need a job pronto. I am asking for Fall Out Boy tickets for my birthday tho, cos they're coming on June 22nd, and my birthday is the 18th. It's been a good music time for me.
Anyway, that's my Fall Out Boy hiatus end story. It's long and pointless but if you like Fall Out Boy and emotions then maybe you would like to read this. Mainly it's just for me to remember how I felt that day and what I did. My mom ended up calling me a few hours later and asking what I meant in my text, cos she forgot that Fall Out Boy is a band. :) ANYWAYYYY have a good one! <33
Thursday, January 31, 2013
25 things about me :)
I wasn't tagged or anything, but I am still pretty sick and I haven't been able to sleep, so I need to fill some time. :) I've been coughing so much all morning that my dad just brought me some cough drops downstairs cos he can hear me lol :)
1. I love music! I always have some going. I find songs I like in all genres (opera and classical even) but my favorite bands are The Strokes, Fall Out Boy, One Direction, and Good Charlotte. I love Of Mice & Men too, but my favorite song of the moment is True Love Waits by Radiohead. :))
2. I love cartoons! I don't think I will ever grow out of it. Adventure Time is my favorite but Fosters Home is on right now and I'm pretty happy about it. :)
3. I'm the oldest of four kids. :) maybe 5 if my dads wife gets her way hahaha. I have 2 sisters and a brother and I love em all.
4. I have an Internet addiction. :D
5. I'm addicted to cough drops. I can't help it, I just love them!
6. I love sports! The Steelers are my favorite in football, Penguins for hockey, Utah Jazz for basketball (since that's where i was born, raised, and still live) and I don't really have a baseball team because I'm just getting back into it. :)
7. I'm trying to teach myself guitar. It's not going well. I've been working on it for 8 years o.O But i have a very talented singer/guitar player friend named Rachel who said she'd teach me :) I love her :)
8. I'm finding it hard to come up with 25 things. Things are gonna get weird.
9. I swear A LOT. It's actually gone down quite a lot, but I still have the habit. (i just spelled it habbit. too much LOTR)
10. I am a Harry Potter fan. Huge. Potterhead forever!! So is my mom, and it's been a bonding thing for us since I was 8 :)
11. I drive a 1987 Jeep Cherokee that's been modified to have a truck bed rather than a trunk. Its pretty bad ass and all the boys love it, and are shocked to find a girl drives it and owns it. (it doesn't get me dates tho :/)
12. I'm super shy. Horribly shy and I hate it. I dunno how to fix it tho so I guess I'm just stuck.
13. I think I'm a nice person! And so do lots of people. I don't like being mean, I don't see a point in it unless a person is being awful, and even then I mostly just drop the kindness, but don't go out of my way to be rude.
14. I have horrible anxiety about everything. It's been this way since I was little and it makes it hard to enjoy life or look forward to anything, but I am working on changing this too. I want to be a better, more fun, less stressed person.
15. I love YouTube. My favorite YouTuber is AmazingPhil, followed closely by Crabstickz. Phil is too cute and funny and adorable and Chris is hilarious and cute and I love them both and spend quite a lot of time watching them :)
16. I love chocolate way too much.
17. I love pasta way too much. It's unhealthy how much i love pesto sauce and bow tie noodles, or any pasta dish and sauce really. Just not alfredo. Not a fan of that.
18. I have a sock obsession. I have close to (or maybe over) 100 pairs of socks. An entire drawer full plus some in another drawer and its not enough. I love crazy designed ones :) and my friends Rachel and Hilary got me socks for Christmas, as did a former co worker of mine cos its well known that I'm obsessed. my mom didn't get me any cos she says i have too many :(
19. I have small feet! i can wear a size 4 1\2 in kids, (tho in some brands i can wear a 6 or 7 and be ok) and need kids sized socks in order for them to fit right.
20. I'm the oldest kid and the shortest. My youngest sister just passed me in height over the last few months, and she's 13. I'm 5'2! :) which isn't that short but my parents and siblings are all 5'4-5'9, my brother being the tallest.
21. I was SUCH a weird kid. It's embarrassing to even think of the things I did.
22. I believe in ghosts. And aliens :) I think maybe it's cos it's just something interesting that i can't prove or disprove and watching or reading about it never gets boring :)
23. My mom pointed out that a lot of the men I think are good looking, look alike. She thought a picture of Phil was Rupert Grint with black hair. (Oh they're both so cute!)
24. I like to play board games! And I like to color in coloring books. :) I don't see it as a kid thing, I think it's perfectly fine to still do things you enjoyed when you were young. Age is just a number, you don't have to change just because a number gets higher.
25. I LOVE all things funny. Funny people, funny movies, funny anything. I love it. If a person is funny, I either fall in love with them or wanna be best friends forever with them. :) If someone is funny, they just seem easier to approach and get along with, and I think my brain just thinks "oh, if I'm sad, they'll cheer me up!" I think I'm pretty funny too, and spend a lot of time laughing at my own thoughts or words.
I think that's it. I am feeling quite chatty today, obviously. It's probably due to lack of sleep. :) '
bye for now!! <33
1. I love music! I always have some going. I find songs I like in all genres (opera and classical even) but my favorite bands are The Strokes, Fall Out Boy, One Direction, and Good Charlotte. I love Of Mice & Men too, but my favorite song of the moment is True Love Waits by Radiohead. :))
2. I love cartoons! I don't think I will ever grow out of it. Adventure Time is my favorite but Fosters Home is on right now and I'm pretty happy about it. :)
3. I'm the oldest of four kids. :) maybe 5 if my dads wife gets her way hahaha. I have 2 sisters and a brother and I love em all.
4. I have an Internet addiction. :D
5. I'm addicted to cough drops. I can't help it, I just love them!
6. I love sports! The Steelers are my favorite in football, Penguins for hockey, Utah Jazz for basketball (since that's where i was born, raised, and still live) and I don't really have a baseball team because I'm just getting back into it. :)
7. I'm trying to teach myself guitar. It's not going well. I've been working on it for 8 years o.O But i have a very talented singer/guitar player friend named Rachel who said she'd teach me :) I love her :)
8. I'm finding it hard to come up with 25 things. Things are gonna get weird.
9. I swear A LOT. It's actually gone down quite a lot, but I still have the habit. (i just spelled it habbit. too much LOTR)
10. I am a Harry Potter fan. Huge. Potterhead forever!! So is my mom, and it's been a bonding thing for us since I was 8 :)
11. I drive a 1987 Jeep Cherokee that's been modified to have a truck bed rather than a trunk. Its pretty bad ass and all the boys love it, and are shocked to find a girl drives it and owns it. (it doesn't get me dates tho :/)
12. I'm super shy. Horribly shy and I hate it. I dunno how to fix it tho so I guess I'm just stuck.
13. I think I'm a nice person! And so do lots of people. I don't like being mean, I don't see a point in it unless a person is being awful, and even then I mostly just drop the kindness, but don't go out of my way to be rude.
14. I have horrible anxiety about everything. It's been this way since I was little and it makes it hard to enjoy life or look forward to anything, but I am working on changing this too. I want to be a better, more fun, less stressed person.
15. I love YouTube. My favorite YouTuber is AmazingPhil, followed closely by Crabstickz. Phil is too cute and funny and adorable and Chris is hilarious and cute and I love them both and spend quite a lot of time watching them :)
16. I love chocolate way too much.
17. I love pasta way too much. It's unhealthy how much i love pesto sauce and bow tie noodles, or any pasta dish and sauce really. Just not alfredo. Not a fan of that.
18. I have a sock obsession. I have close to (or maybe over) 100 pairs of socks. An entire drawer full plus some in another drawer and its not enough. I love crazy designed ones :) and my friends Rachel and Hilary got me socks for Christmas, as did a former co worker of mine cos its well known that I'm obsessed. my mom didn't get me any cos she says i have too many :(
19. I have small feet! i can wear a size 4 1\2 in kids, (tho in some brands i can wear a 6 or 7 and be ok) and need kids sized socks in order for them to fit right.
20. I'm the oldest kid and the shortest. My youngest sister just passed me in height over the last few months, and she's 13. I'm 5'2! :) which isn't that short but my parents and siblings are all 5'4-5'9, my brother being the tallest.
21. I was SUCH a weird kid. It's embarrassing to even think of the things I did.
22. I believe in ghosts. And aliens :) I think maybe it's cos it's just something interesting that i can't prove or disprove and watching or reading about it never gets boring :)
23. My mom pointed out that a lot of the men I think are good looking, look alike. She thought a picture of Phil was Rupert Grint with black hair. (Oh they're both so cute!)
24. I like to play board games! And I like to color in coloring books. :) I don't see it as a kid thing, I think it's perfectly fine to still do things you enjoyed when you were young. Age is just a number, you don't have to change just because a number gets higher.
25. I LOVE all things funny. Funny people, funny movies, funny anything. I love it. If a person is funny, I either fall in love with them or wanna be best friends forever with them. :) If someone is funny, they just seem easier to approach and get along with, and I think my brain just thinks "oh, if I'm sad, they'll cheer me up!" I think I'm pretty funny too, and spend a lot of time laughing at my own thoughts or words.
I think that's it. I am feeling quite chatty today, obviously. It's probably due to lack of sleep. :) '
bye for now!! <33
Friday, January 25, 2013
What I've Been Up To Lately...
For the past five days, I have been quite ill. I have had the worst cold I have ever had in my life. It's been awful and it's still not over, though that could just be the drugs. My dads wife came home sick with a cold today too, (tho I don't know how she got it from me as I've been downstairs, away from everyone but my sister for a week.) so my dad headed off to the store in the middle of an ice rain storm to get medicine and juice. Alka-Seltzer tastes like the worst thing I can imagine but it really worked quite well, and I'm debating on drinking more in the morning so I can actually get up and do something. A shower is on the top of my list, followed by washing my sheets and blankets as I've just been in bed in the same pajamas for the first three days of this and I haven't had a shower since I got sick so yeah. :)
I'm hoping I feel better really soon, as I need to clean my room still. Apparently, the landlord is having the house appraised on Monday. Does that mean he's selling it? Are we going to have to move? Maybe a move would do good for me and my job hunting situation, but I still don't want to move. I like this town too much. Even though it's getting crazy here. I guess the swat team and possibly National Guard guys were out at a house where shots were fired? There's no news story on it yet, as we are a pretty small town, but I keep checking the news sites because they'll have it on eventually.
Ahhhhh my tumblr has quit working and it's making me sad. How else am I supposed to waste away the hours till I fall asleep?! Oh, I see. My wifi quit on me for a minute. Probably the ice...rain shit storm. Ice storm? It's supposed to snow all weekend. I like snow, so that's fine.
I had an important question or statement, but I forgot. I turned Panic! At the Disco on and forgot haha. Ugh my fever is coming back and I'm starting to cough again. I don't think I can drink that stuff again tho. Vile.
Well, since I can't remember my thought, I guess I will just wrap this up for now. Have a good day or night. Bye!<3
Oh p.s., I want to recommend a very talented, hilarious youtuber today, because he's cute and funny and one of my favorites. His name is Chris Kendall, look up Crabstickz. :) Hilarious. Bad Vet is a funny video, as is Internet Animal Impressions. :) (I don't know him at all, but he really deserves more views cos OMG he's funny.) Also, AmazingPhil, cos he's my future husband k.
I'm hoping I feel better really soon, as I need to clean my room still. Apparently, the landlord is having the house appraised on Monday. Does that mean he's selling it? Are we going to have to move? Maybe a move would do good for me and my job hunting situation, but I still don't want to move. I like this town too much. Even though it's getting crazy here. I guess the swat team and possibly National Guard guys were out at a house where shots were fired? There's no news story on it yet, as we are a pretty small town, but I keep checking the news sites because they'll have it on eventually.
Ahhhhh my tumblr has quit working and it's making me sad. How else am I supposed to waste away the hours till I fall asleep?! Oh, I see. My wifi quit on me for a minute. Probably the ice...rain shit storm. Ice storm? It's supposed to snow all weekend. I like snow, so that's fine.
I had an important question or statement, but I forgot. I turned Panic! At the Disco on and forgot haha. Ugh my fever is coming back and I'm starting to cough again. I don't think I can drink that stuff again tho. Vile.
Well, since I can't remember my thought, I guess I will just wrap this up for now. Have a good day or night. Bye!<3
Oh p.s., I want to recommend a very talented, hilarious youtuber today, because he's cute and funny and one of my favorites. His name is Chris Kendall, look up Crabstickz. :) Hilarious. Bad Vet is a funny video, as is Internet Animal Impressions. :) (I don't know him at all, but he really deserves more views cos OMG he's funny.) Also, AmazingPhil, cos he's my future husband k.
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